Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
