1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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