Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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