im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
