you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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