I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it because I queefed?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
