the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
