Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
