my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
