when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
