so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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