she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
