after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i now understand why vodka
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
