I didn't shave. On purpose
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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