My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
