omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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