the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
