im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
