just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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