u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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