WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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