Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
