We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
