no, he came in my armpit
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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