I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
