Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
