It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
They took my balls.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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