my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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