She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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