I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
