bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
