STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
