remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
