I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
