Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
