she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
