I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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