my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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