I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
