Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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