He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
