I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
