Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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