I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
