What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
