They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
