maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
