bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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