There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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