last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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