Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
