Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
