Don't make out with my wife yet
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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