Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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