Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
